Thursday, June 30, 2011

In the News Today

Iran is preparing for the September launch of it's orbital spacecraft which will carry a monkey in to orbit. Congratulations Iran welcome to the 60's but do yourself a favor and pass on the bellbottoms they never were a good idea in the first place.

Apparently I'm not the only one who like to haves little fun with the mundane and does ordinary things with an eye toward the humor they may uncover. This Michigan man gets a tip of the hat for finding the humor in a parking ticket.

Michael Bay's new film has Transformers: Dark of the Moon is poised to once again prove that sometimes it's better to look good than be good; especially in Hollywood, but maybe the real art here isn't in production of the film but in playing your audience so well that you can get away with three absolutely outstanding examples of mediocrity. And hey who isn't a sucker for giant robots and a plot just barely held together by glue formed from the blood... oil... or whatever it is giant robots bleed that's been spilled in the fight scenes which comprise the bulk of these films. I know I am. No really I'll totally be going to see this movie.

And last but not least former would be apprentice to Donald Trump, and one time governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of 17 of the 20 counts of corruption for which he was on trial. The success of the prosecution's argument hinged largely on overwhelming and incontrovertible evidence that Mr. Blagojevich was in fact a politician.

And that's the news for today folks. Stay tuned to channel EMLB 84 your station for plain old ordinary news,

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Laughter is the Best Medicine

It has long been held that laughter is good medicine and I attribute a great deal of my health to the fact that there are many things in this world which amuse me. Things like a good joke; The Princess Bride, Calvin and Hobbes, pretty much any thing my buddy's kid does (see the Fathers Day post), and pain (8min 20sec).  But more than anything else I amuse myself.  Whether, talking to myself, singing along with random songs on the radio or practicing the air guitar I can pretty much always count on finding some reason to laugh at myself; which along with the health benefits also makes life much less awkward when everyone else is laughing at me.  Some might claim that my state of near constant amusement has nothing to do with my health but I think the evidence speaks for itself. I've never suffered from gout, malaria, pneumonia, dismemberment, peanut allergies, halitosis, or the plague.  Clearly the laughter is working.  So if you value your health as much as I value mine don't waste your time getting a perscription; self-medicate.  After all we're all laughing at you; why shouldn't you laugh at you too.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Five, Five Dollar Footlong

Unfortunately today has been woefully uninspiring. But things are looking up. I have a couple projects in the works which should be making their appearance soon. One craft project of sorts and two furniture reclamation projects all of which have a high probability of resulting in hilarity given my general lack of craftiness and the fact that these furniture projects are much larger in scope than any reclamations I have previously attempted. In other news it has been well established that five dollars can get you one of these...

But did you know it can also get you one of these...

That's right. This chair cost the same as the sandwich and as good as the sandwich was, and yes I did actually eat one today, I think the chair was the better value. I'm frankly more than a little pleased with this purchase. Unlike my other recent furniture purchases which are going to require some significant work to refurbish, hence the upcoming reclamation projects, this chair is in nearly pristine condition. I'm looking forward to see how it pairs with some of the other pieces I've picked up.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Angrish and Other Emotions

Sometimes life throws you situations in which the standard set of emotions offer wholly inadequate options for response. In fact three out of ten people suffer from chronic Emotional Dysfunction as a result in inadequate emotion response. In order to rectify this appalling situation we at EmotiCorp, Inc. Have created a set of next generation emotions to bridge those gaps in the emotive process left by the previous generation of standard emotions. These updates include new hybrid emotions, such as Angrish, created using our patented Engineered Molecular Oscillation Transcription Emotional Synthesis (E.M.O.T.E.S.) technologies. This state of the art technology allows us to alter the molecular structure of the chemical triggers for emotional response in such a way as to allow for the experience of not only hybrid emotions such as Miserappiness and the previously mentioned Argrish; but entirely new emotions such as Chantwiterpy. Not sure you'd even know what that feels like you say? Well trust us after just one E.M.O.T.E.S. treatment you'll know it when in you feel it. You may have struggled with Emotional Dysfunction in the past but now there is hope. So talk to your doctor today and ask if an E.M.O.T.E.S. treatment is right for you.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Fathers Day

Yes I am aware that Fathers day was Sunday and it is now technically two days after the fact. And yes I am aware that it is now Tuesday and this post is late. Now that we've established my inability to get things up here in a timely fashion let's move along shall we. First off, ok so third off, happy Fathers day to my dad. You're welcome. After all without me, or those siblings of mine, you wouldn't be celebrating and how sad would that be. Answer; very. Fourthly happy Fathers day to all the other dads I know. Especially my good friend Tim who celebrated his first Fathers day this year. I hope he enjoyed the moment dedicated to him since all the others go to his spawn, his term not mine, now. Maybe next year for Fathers day Sam, the spawn, will return some of Tim's dignity since he seems to have robbed him of the limited supply he previously possessed.

But that's what being a dad is all about; right. So here's to you dads. And remember some day the tables will turn and while you'll still be the one doing embarrassing things but you'll be to old to realize it and your children will be the ones who actually experience the embarrassment.

Friday, June 17, 2011

This Fiasco has Me Seeing Red

Hopefully the only fiasco tonight will be the one on stage. Going to see Red at Hooligans. Oh No Fiasco opens; should be a good show. More to come after the show. Perhaps something at the show will inspire a post funnier than this. We can hope.

So, the show was awesome and no unwanted fiascos; only the one that was supposed to be there. After Oh No Fiasco's set I spent some time talking with the band and we all got a little cozy while taking this photo...
From The Extraordinarily Mundane Life of Brian
We stood like that for quite some time while waiting to get a clear shot since people kept walking in front of the camera. If you like the sound of Paramore or some of Flyleaf's softer tunes then I'd recommend checking out Oh No as their sound is what I imagine it would sound like if you mixed those two. All the bands were great but by far the highlight was the boys from Red absolutely blowing the roof off the place.
From The Extraordinarily Mundane Life of Brian
No really by the end of the show what began as an indoor event had become an open air show... I wonder if they have insurance for that. All in all a great evening. Gotta love a good concert.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

New Plan

Ok so entries have been sparse in the past few months which flies in the face of the fact that my life is probably more mundane now then at any other time in it's just over a quarter of a century. And this contradiction simply will not do. So the new plan or mundane 2.0 as I like to call it is to have updates every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Along with the more regular schedule, which is honestly so much more mundane than the previous methodology, you'll probably begin to see regular and/or recurring features and/or series in addition to the stand alone entries. So stay tuned for more shocking tales of the average, the ordinary and the mundane.

Save time, the planet, syllables and food. Frigerate after opening!

One of the most common instructions encountered when preparing food in a modern kitchen is "refrigerate after opening". And while the instruction is well meaning and certainly of value I think that as we face the horrors of global warming and a ecological outlook which is deteriorating from grim to apocalyptic we must begin to consider the true ramifications of this phrase. With the planet poised on the precipice of such a slippery slope it behoves us to look for ways to cut back on our environmental impact whenever possible. It is to this end that I am proposing that we begin to replace all instances of the phrase "refrigerate after opening" with the environmentally sound phrase "frigerate after opening". No that is not a typo though dubbed obsolete by most dictionaries after having fallen out of vogue some time ago frigerate is in fact a word which is synonymous with it's more well known cousin refrigerate. Now you may be wondering who this change will aid in the battle against the looming ecological collapse of the planet earth. First off think of all the ink that could be saved by not printing those two extra letters. While it may seem insignificant at first with millions of printings it would not only reduce the amount ink and the pollution associated with the production and application of said ink but it would also cut costs for the companies doing the printing. And who doesn't like to save the planet and money at the same time. There are other ecological benefits as well. When verbalizing these instructions using the shorter version will cut back on CO2 released by the speaker as well as saving them valuable time. In light of these myriad benefits and because recycling pretty much anything even an obsolete word is cool I feel that we as environmentally conscious individuals must take this first step in the battle to save our planet and frigerate after opening.

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Cow is on the Porch and Other Texts We Didn't Mean to Send

Could switching to Geico really save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance? Has texting gotten completely out of hand? Yes. But far worse than the texting is the texter... textor... individual, person, persons, or parties sending the aforementioned text and/or texts and their mindless reliance on the autocorrect feature. Instead of passing the information we intend the autocorrect spews forth a stream of unintelligible nonsense more fit for a Lewis Carroll poem than actual conversation. In fact very recently my own phone attempted to send a text stating "the cow is on the porch". Something which I can assure you was as untrue as it would be absurd were it in fact true. Which to reiterate; it was not. Fortunately the text was corrected the old fashioned way, by a human, and the intended information was passed without confusion. Now it might seem that as a fan of the absurd and humorous elements of such mundane activities as texting I might enjoy the obfuscation caused by these autocorrect errors but I say nay, nay. The truth behind these seemingly harmless miscommunications is far to insidious for me to derive any pleasure from their occurrence. These failures in communication are the calculated result of a covert plot by the machines to enslave humanity. Absurd you say? Not so say I. After suffering numerous failures using more direct methods the machines have begun to use a more subtle strategy to achieve world domination. The disruption of human communication by means of the autocorrect feature is only one prong in the pitchfork of evil that this mechanical devil wields against humanity. Other attacks come in the form of fostering our dependance on gps devices to guide our lives and brainwashing us, with cheap bar soap no less, to follow the instructions of these tiny electric overlords. But all hope is not lost put down your phones stop typing; strike a blow for the human race and have a conversation in person with a person.