Friday, June 3, 2011

The Cow is on the Porch and Other Texts We Didn't Mean to Send

Could switching to Geico really save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance? Has texting gotten completely out of hand? Yes. But far worse than the texting is the texter... textor... individual, person, persons, or parties sending the aforementioned text and/or texts and their mindless reliance on the autocorrect feature. Instead of passing the information we intend the autocorrect spews forth a stream of unintelligible nonsense more fit for a Lewis Carroll poem than actual conversation. In fact very recently my own phone attempted to send a text stating "the cow is on the porch". Something which I can assure you was as untrue as it would be absurd were it in fact true. Which to reiterate; it was not. Fortunately the text was corrected the old fashioned way, by a human, and the intended information was passed without confusion. Now it might seem that as a fan of the absurd and humorous elements of such mundane activities as texting I might enjoy the obfuscation caused by these autocorrect errors but I say nay, nay. The truth behind these seemingly harmless miscommunications is far to insidious for me to derive any pleasure from their occurrence. These failures in communication are the calculated result of a covert plot by the machines to enslave humanity. Absurd you say? Not so say I. After suffering numerous failures using more direct methods the machines have begun to use a more subtle strategy to achieve world domination. The disruption of human communication by means of the autocorrect feature is only one prong in the pitchfork of evil that this mechanical devil wields against humanity. Other attacks come in the form of fostering our dependance on gps devices to guide our lives and brainwashing us, with cheap bar soap no less, to follow the instructions of these tiny electric overlords. But all hope is not lost put down your phones stop typing; strike a blow for the human race and have a conversation in person with a person.

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